I stand up for celebrating experiences exuberantly. It took me a while to get there but I got there.
Secret of living
I’ve been introduced to suicide when young people close to my age that I personally knew, took their own lives. Suicide lingers and I’ve dared to ask so many times in the past what is the point of living? Is there a secret sauce that I’m not aware of that would put me out of my misery?
I am looking for meaning. I want to have a reason bigger than accumulating things or climbing social strata that will never give me satisfaction. I want the joy that I feel to last. I don’t want to go to bed crying and wake up knowing it will be the same cyclical motion that I did yesterday and the day before. I want adventure and newness to happen organically without feeling guilty.
I searched for answers. I looked for books that would wake me up from my slumbering consciousness and let my unconsciousness come forward to the light. I tried different healing modalities to learn what I seemed to miss from my search within myself. People speak of spiritual awakening and nirvana, if they knew them then it must be achievable. Is my Spirit hungry that I couldn’t seem to satiate?
Engaging the soul
My inner knowing, these truths kept me alive until such time I could finally engage my soul to life:
- I am alive then I have a purpose. I’ve noticed that through my life, I’ve experienced different seasons but I have an inkling that there must be more to this that would always make me feel alive to wake up.
- I grew up Catholic so I don’t question the existence of God, so I know that I will never have a life that I can’t handle. As I grow older, I also asked is this all there is?
- The greatest epitome of life is to love unconditionally. I knew that I’m failing bigtime because I understood the essence but I wasn’t capable of practicing it. I thought, while I’m alive, might as well dedicate my life to keep trying or find a way to do it.
Like the character, Gigi Phillips in the movie “He’s Not That Into You” yelled with conviction, “I may do a lot of stupid shit but I know I’m a lot closer to finding someone.” Although in my story, that someone was a reflection of me, the one I’ve been looking for to truly come alive. When I dug deep enough, I started to find myself.
Listening to my shadows
I have to open my heart, fully open. I have to love myself like no one has ever loved me. The moment I did that, something else in me wanted to be loved.
My shadows are the beautiful part of me that I begged and deliberately tried to ignore. They were there protecting me not to feel the pain over and over the same way, yes it disguises, but the root is the same. The moment I let them have the spotlight, I gave them the space to rise; despite the uncontrollable tears turned into sobs, I gave in to see it, love it, appreciate it, honor it, and then I felt liberated.
The more I let my old wounds, my limiting beliefs, my feeling of abandonment, and all the dark sides I tried to disregard were set free to speak, to be looked at, and assured that it’s okay to stand up strong or weak, whatever is true to my inner child that needed reparenting, I felt freer and freer.
Only when I silenced my rowdy and noisy mind and surrender myself to the stillness of letting my emotions truly voice their piece without interruptions and judgments do I get to a place that I’ve never been before. I am emptying my cup of all those hardened and forgotten parts of me that needed nurture.
Show you the way
The more I slowly build up my courage, my strength, and my power as part of this expansive Universe that’s continuously evolving right before our eyes whether we’re aware or not, I found my Self, my Soul. Consequently, I also found inner peace.
I’ve touched the peace that I was looking for that no words can describe but it’s so close to the nirvana every enlightened being is promising. I’ve found the way to love unconditionally and to be at peace that I’m here to celebrate life’s experiences exuberantly. I am grateful that I’m awake.
I can show you the way to your true Self, engage your Soul to life, so you may feel the peace, love, joy, and appreciation for the pain, growth, and mystery that we’re meant to experience and be in awe in this lifetime.
Perhaps when we all found our peace and courage, we will be brave to create the world we’ve always dreamed of where there’s no separation but only cooperation to weather life together in love.
Life keeps moving
I don’t have all the answers because I’ve discovered, the more I unveil a layer of beauty that delights me, that it kept going on like endless layers of consciousness. I am also aware that there are many paths towards unconditional love in the present moment and I’ve walked several of those paths that lead me to the bliss of where I am.
Life keeps evolving whether I join it or not; but while I’m alive, I’m going to participate and contribute my heart. I accept that life has its ebb and flow and I don’t get flustered when I have to pause, I have to grief because the wheel will turn and I’ll shine bright again.
Now, it’s your turn to shine
Are you ready to start living a better life? A hack to walking the path of a meaningful life is to find a way for you to still your mind, patiently focus on your breath, and then start talking to your heart, the deepest part of you that watches all your life and waiting for you to listen.
